


everything is alright

by fullsuuuuuun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Tired Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, he's just not okay, the members are all amazing people in this one don't worry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsuuuuuun/pseuds/fullsuuuuuun
Summary: donghyuck is tired
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 176





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> please enjoy

donghyuck is tired. not terribly exhausted. just tired. his body feels heavier than usual, he goes to bed sooner than normal. hell, sometimes he even skips out on whatever social activity his members tend to plan. it’s not too bad, it just feels off. he’s felt a little off since neo zone promotions ended, but not enough to be a cause for concern.

promotions this time around haven’t been bad. he’s mostly been singing, which has been a nice break from the back to back promotions he faced the first half of the year. he loved it really, it was a hard job but with the feeling the success and popularity nct were gaining this year it was all worth it, still is. which is why he can’t quite figure out why his body seems to disagree.

the first time he noticed something felt different was when he received a text from the dream group chat. it was jaemin asking him and mark to come to the dream dorm for a movie night. usually, he would’ve been thrilled at the opportunity to hang out with his best friends. but seeing the messages, he just didn’t feel like it. which was a weird feeling. of course, he’d felt sad many times before, but he usually relied on other people to feel better. so it was concerning that he felt a heaviness as soon as it was offered.

but that was one instance and he’d gone for movie night anyway, hoping the feeling would go away. it hadn’t, it was there as a faint presence and donghyuck has tried many things since then. cooking his favourite meals, seeking out the company of his members and singing his heart out. none of them worked really well. he’d found that the heavy feeling was easier to ignore when he slept and when he worked. so for the past months, sleep and work was all he did. never feeling particularly happy but never super unhappy either. 

he figures the members have noticed somethings up. at least the ones on the 5th floor. he’d seen johnny send him questioning looks when he’d gone to bed instead of playing games till 3 am. but johnny never asked so he probably figured that it was just donghyuck being responsible.

really, donghyuck was fine, just a bit tired.

-

jaemin and yangyang are at nct’s favourite meet-up place outside the dorms. an almost unnoticeable cafe close to the dream dorms. it’s a small place and the staff has never bothered them about their status as idols.

they’d been talking and drinking coffee, yangyang scoffing at jaemin’s order. jaemin was done with make a wish promotions and both of them had a few hours before dance practice. 

they were just chatting until yangyang asks jaemin something unexpected.

“is donghyuck okay?”

jaemin is taken aback. from what he knows, hyuck is doing fine. they’ve been joking that he sleeps more than usual and sometimes seems distracted but jaemin’s pretty sure he’s okay. donghyuck was never one to hide his feelings, always seeking out skinship when he was down. then again, he was never one to want to burden the members either.

“I think so… why do you ask?” 

yangyang is quiet for a moment looking thoughtful.

“well, he seems different? most smiles i see from him these days are in front of a camera?” yangyang fiddles with the straw of his drink, “he feels different too, like, he’s more serious. i don’t know? you know him better than me. that’s why i’m asking.”

jaemin tries thinking about how hyuck has been acting lately. again, his presence has been smaller compared to the donghyuck they’re used to. he hadn’t been as touchy either. jaemin hadn’t thought to be worried, but if yangyang was worried maybe it was justified? had anyone asked hyuck how he was doing? 

“he’s been more distant but i just thought he was getting in touch with his more introverted side...”

yangyang raises an eyebrow, “donghyuck?”

“okay, that sounded ridiculous. to be honest, i haven’t given it much thought, we’ve both been busy.” this conversation was doing something to jaemin. he can feel a small seed of worry being planted in him. he’d have to ask hyuck. or taeyong.

“i’ll ask hyuck next time we talk.”

yangyang smiles, but he doesn't look particularly relieved, “i was planning on asking too. i just wanted to know if you’d noticed something.”

the conversation ended there. because they hadn’t gone out for coffee just to talk about donghyuck. but the worry remained with jaemin for the rest of the day. with the seed of worry being planted he’d only be looking for signs that his friend isn’t doing as good as he assumed.

-

_ nana: hyuck you wanna hang out with me, renjun and jeno? just like old times? _

_ hyuckie: sorry nana. i was about to fall asleep _

_ nana: it’s 7… _

_ hyuckie: time isn’t real <3 _

donghyuck sighs. how pathetic. he doesn’t even feel like hanging out with his 3 best friends, a new low. he hopes they don’t think about it too much. in the past week taeyong, doyoung and johnny had all asked him if he was okay. he doesn’t know how long “i’m fine. just tired” will last as an excuse. again, it’s not like anything is wrong with him. he’s just tired, and maybe he’s been more self-loathing lately, but he doesn’t like being confronted and he feels absolutely pathetic when his hyungs ask him. 

especially doyoung with his big worried eyes. he’d asked a couple of days ago.

“hyuck-ah are you okay? johnny says you don’t play around much anymore in your room and you haven’t visited the dreamies for a while. you haven’t even hugged me, your favourite hyung, for weeks!”

he’d sounded playfully scandalized but also legitimately concerned. and donghyuck had been very tired. 

“i’m fine hyung.” he’d sounded too bitter. too tired. and doyoung had looked even more worried at that, so donghyuck put on a fake smile, hoping it was convincing and said “you look tired hyung. you look like you need a long nap.” poking doyoung’s eye bags for good measure. they weren’t nearly as prominent as donghyuck’s but if he joked around it would hopefully make doyoung less worried. 

that’s what donghyuck had done in the past. simply deflected. he wasn’t sad often but when he was, it felt uncomfortable to be confronted about it, especially considering people usually come to him for comfort. he knows the members view him as very vocal about his feelings, but the truth is that he keeps his true feelings hidden for the most part. to avoid confrontation and burdening his friends. in the end, they’re all busy and tired. so why would donghyuck be any different?

doyoung had simply looked at him. donghyuck could practically hear his thoughts. what was he gonna do with his annoying dongsaeng? “ah hyung i have to go practice now you know. see you later!” 

and he’d ended it there. doyoung had been more observant of donghyuck since then. which didn’t bother donghyuck much. it’s not like he’s doing anything wrong. he’s just sleeping more and talking less. nothing to alarm overly concerned hyungs. 

some small part of donghyuck knows that maybe it’s definitely worse than it’s ever been but what would they even do? as an idol he can't just take a break, that would disappoint their fans. he doesn’t want to take a break, seeing the other members perform without him makes him more miserable than anything. the company doesn’t have a good history of helping their idols either. it’s easier to pretend nothing is wrong. fake it till you make it. 

(so maybe his thoughts are getting very negative and maybe he hates every little thing about himself. maybe his body feels incredibly heavy all the time and maybe he has the lingering thought that the band would be better off without him. but all that’s irrelevant in the big picture. as long as he’s still up and working.)

_ jeno: hyuck are you really not gonna join :( _

ah fuck. he has a hard time saying no to jeno. why do they need to make things so difficult for him?

_ hyuckie: dorms too far away. sleepy zzzzz _

_ jeno: :( sleep well hyuck, see you tomorrow <3 _

jokes on jeno. donghyuck hasn’t slept well in months, no, years with this lifestyle. and now the guilt of disappointing his friends would haunt him all night. maybe he would’ve saved a lot of trouble by just going, but then he’d be up all night and not even sleep in his own bed. but then again he did love sleepovers... or at least he used to. 

donghyuck sighs putting down his phone and curling into a ball in his bed.

“hearing an awful lot of sighing from you tonight.” johnny says cheerfully from his spot on his bed, donghyuck may have forgotten he was in the room.

“i can’t hear you. i’m sleeping,” he mutters, praying johnny will just let him be.

“at 7? I‘m starting to think you’re trying to break some kind of sleeping record,” he jokes, “and i thought you had it beaten when you went to bed at 8 the other day. very ambitious, hyuckie.”

maybe he could pretend to be asleep. would johnny fall for that?

after a silent moment of donghyuck ignoring johnny (and feeling bad about it), he hears johnny sigh, of course, he wouldn’t fall for that, he isn’t stupid. “look hyuck. i know you don’t want to talk right now but we’re starting to worry about you. i just want you to know that you can talk to me, to any of us, about anything. whatever you’re going through we’ll help you…”

donghyuck can’t take this sentimentally right now. so instead of being a nice person and showing gratitude or maybe even telling johnny how he’s feeling. he just keeps his mouth shut. waiting for sleep to eventually take over him.

to his surprise, sleep never comes.

-

they’d been practising for hours. the much anticipated secret unit. donghyuck feels good when dancing. he can put all of his focus into perfecting his moves without having to worry about his gradually declining mood. the problem in this dance section is that for the first time in months, he hasn’t slept even a couple of hours. and the exhaustion from not sleeping is a whole different thing than the exhaustion felt from sleeping too much. as an idol, he should be used to the occasional all-nighter. that’s why he regrets skipping breakfast too (his apetite has completely disappeared lately). his dancing today is less than ideal, it’s sloppy and bad. he can practically feel the group getting annoyed with him. they keep looking at him when he messes up.

at his 5th stumble of the hour, someone calls for a break. he couldn’t tell who but he was thankful. he went over to the couches in the room and grabbed his bottle of water almost drinking it all in one go. he takes a moment to just lie down and close his eyes.

-

“johnny said he went to sleep at 7,” that’s tens voice, he sounds confused. and worried? for some reason, he’s whispering too. donghyuck’s body feels so so heavy.

“he texted me at 7 too? with that kind of sleep schedules, you’re bound to wake up really early. he’s probably just a bit tired?” jeno is whispering too, he sounds a lot like he’s doubting his own words. donghyuck had fallen asleep in the middle of their small break. how long had it been?

“doesn’t explain his state,” ten sighs, “you think he’s sick? why wouldn’t he tell anyone?”

a third voice, sicheng’s, joins the conversation. “i don’t think it’s good for him to be practising like this. it’s not like he making any progress.” oh. he’s letting them down. he really has to get up.

-

ten must admit that donghyuck’s behaviour is concerning. ten has not had much time to spend with donghyuck this year but he knows for sure that how the kid is behaving now is a stark contrast from the clingy mood-maker he’s so fond of. when they’d started nct 2020 ten is 100% certain donghyuck had been brighter. still not bright enough. but his deterioration was more obvious when they started practising as the “secret unit”. ten had kept his eye on donghyuck, especially since doyoung asked him to.

what he’s seen so far is the poor boy stumbling at least a dozen times, his dancing doesn’t compare to the smooth moves he usually displays. he hasn’t tried making much conversation and he’s not as loud as ten is used to. it’s a wonder no one has sat him down to talk yet.

donghyuck stirs from where he was sleeping on the couch. ten finds it pretty incredible that he managed to fall asleep in the 20 minutes they had for a break. jeno and sicheng both notice him waking up too. mark, sungchan and yangyang are watching the scene from where they’re leaning against the practice rooms mirrors. he knows they want to be part of the conversation too but too many people wouldn’t be a good idea with donghyuck who’s been known to deflect.

donghyuck sits up slowly and rubs his eyes before looking up at them. ten can’t help but notice how exhausted he looks. 

it’s almost disturbing when donghyuck smiles, the smile is small but doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “oops. did i fall asleep? how silly of me. are we ready to continue?”

“donghyuck-ah,” sicheng starts, “we’ve noticed you’re a little out of it today.” that’s one way to put it, ten thinks, “are you sick?” he can hear how worried sicheng is as well.

“no not at all! i’m just tired hyung. i’ll be fine.” 

ten, self-proclaimed but also a well-acknowledged master liar, saw right through his bullshit, and he knows for sure that jeno does too. sicheng will probably let it slide for now.

ten and jeno look at sicheng, they’d voted him to be their leader so he’d have the final word, donghyuck knows that too. ten is kind of hoping that sicheng will just send him home, he’s almost scared donghyuck will faint or accidentally hurt himself.

sicheng’s expression is serious but his voice is gentle, “hyuck-ah, i’ll let you keep practising but you’ll have to tell us if you can’t keep going.”

donghyuck’s “smile” broadens, “of course hyung. thank you. now let’s get going!” he jumps up to exit the scene as quickly as possible, he almost stumbles again. jeno and ten share a look, they both see donghyuck trying his best to mimic his haechan persona. they both watch him as he goes over and stands in front of mark, yangyang and sungchan. ten hears donghyuck’s exclamations of “you lazy kids! get up and dance!” and hopes that it’s a sign that he’s gonna be okay. 

-

_ ten: doyoung we have to talk about the fullsun situation _

_ doyoung: is he ok? _

_ ten: absolutely not _

-

taeyong is the last person donghyuck wants to lie to, but ten, the old bastard, told taeyong about the “incident” in dance practice. which wasn’t even much of an incident, he just danced bad and took a small nap. they’d all been there. so here donghyuck is, in his and johnny’s room, the sun setting. he’s sitting on his bed with taeyong, his lovely hyung, sitting cross-legged in front of him. having asked the question “are you okay?” donghyuck almost told him “very original, hyung.” but that would be unnecessarily mean, so instead he says.

“just a little tired is all.”

taeyong sighs, reaching out to take donghyuck’s hand, “hyuck-ah… you’ve been saying that for weeks... we’re all worried.” 

donghyuck almost wants to take his hand back, if it wasn’t because the small touch made him realise how long it’d been since felt gentle caring gestures like that. he’s been keeping himself back from any form of skinship, he’s not sure he deserves it anymore.

“i’m sorry hyung. i didn’t mean to worry you…” he breaks the sentence, he’ll need to say something as damage control, “schedules have just been so frantic, you know? and i might’ve stayed up all night so that’s why practice went… not good,” he forces a small smile, he’s technically saying the truth. so why does it feel like he’s lying?

taeyong looks at him, hell, he  _ reads  _ him. donghyuck feels like crying, the exhaustion hitting him like a train. and of course, taeyong sees, he pulls donghyuck into a hug. and donghyuck almost breaks right there, every bone in his body is aching, his mind is screaming at him all the time, to be better, to work harder. he hugs back, not daring to break the silence, desperately trying not to cry. “please come to us hyuck-ah,” taeyong whispers, stroking donghyuck’s hair. he lays both of them down so they’re cuddling in donghyuck’s bed. donghyuck can’t help but think that he doesn’t deserve this comfort, he doesn’t deserve taeyong’s care.

at some point, taeyong starts humming something donghyuck vaguely recognizes. he falls asleep like that in taeyong’s arms glad that despite the moment of weakness, he had not shed a single tear.

-

taeyong kept humming until he hears the boys breath even out. he untangles himself from donghyuck and presses a kiss to his temple before leaving the room, all while making sure donghyuck is still asleep.

he’d noticed donghyuck having an off day months ago. donghyuck stays up late a lot. even when his schedules include back to back comebacks he functions well even with only a couple hours of sleep. so it was a bit concerning when he started sleeping early. but that still wasn’t much of a sign that something was bad. he was still their ball of sunshine.

until he wasn’t. soon enough taeyong was sitting at 9 pm with doyoung and johnny, the three of them talking about donghyuck, who unsurprisingly, had already gone to bed. they all shared their concerns and agreed to observe donghyuck more. 

and observe they did. donghyuck never seemed to act really bad, he went through all their schedules, never as bright as he used to but never causing any problems either. taeyong was still worried, and that worry only increased when jaemin came to the 5th floor to ask him how donghyuck was doing. because he’d heard from yangyang that donghyuck was less bright and clingy than usual.

the last straw was today at dance practice, ten told him all about what had gone down. and if the story wasn’t enough for taeyong to talk with donghyuck, then donghyuck’s state of exhaustion was the final straw. he had expected hyuck to cry, or to deflect, but what he got was a reflection of how he’d been for months, strangely emotionless. 

that’s how he’s been for months, never breaking down but never being their fullsun either. these days all he sees when he looks at his dongsaeng is the hollowness of his cheeks and the bags under his eyes. last time he’d seen donghyuck looking this bad was when he was sick at the start of the year, and even then he’d been disturbingly optimistic.

“is he okay?” as soon as taeyong comes out of the room doyoung is there. dragging him to the couch.

“i don’t think he is, doyoung-ah,” taeyong says running a hand through his hair, “i don’t know what to do. he told me he’s fine but he also said that he hasn’t slept at all.”

doyoung takes his hand, guiding it out of his hair. he links their fingers together, “what are we gonna do then? he won’t talk to any of us…” 

they’d dealt with an upset donghyuck many times, but since they first met him and all the way to a month ago, he’d come to them when he was feeling down. or at least one of them, but it’s different this time around. he’s actively avoiding all of them.

“i think we’re past the point of letting him come to us?” taeyong says, “we’ll just make sure it’s the right person who confronts him.”

“who do you have in mind?” doyoung asks.

taeyong had honestly had himself in mind. but clearly, that didn’t work. his second choice had been mark. donghyuck and mark are best friends, soulmates. mark has aked taeyong about donghyuck. but mark, as caring as he is, is bad at feelings, he’ll help donghyuck when the time is right. but taeyong also knows donghyuck would never want to put that pressure on mark who’s had hectic schedules all year.

“renjun, jeno and jaemin.” in the end, they’re the ones who know donghyuck better than anybody, even mark, being the same age and having grown up together made them trust each other more than anyone. and the 00 liners wouldn’t let donghyuck deflect as all of them had done so far.

doyoung chuckles sadly, “yeah he’s avoiding them like the plague.”

“they won’t let him for long, things are hectic right now but he can only avoid them for so long.” taeyong wouldn’t call himself an expert in the nature of their friendship but he knows for certain that they’ll force him to talk soon.

-

renjun isn’t angry with donghyuck. he’s just mildly frustrated that his best friend is so obviously avoiding him. when they’re on camera, it’s the same teasing and joking as always but when they’re not being filmed, donghyuck is so painfully different. renjun knows some of the members have noticed, but he also knows that with 23 people it’s easy to be distracted from the fact that one of them is not doing well. so renjun doesn’t blame them, but he is annoyed with donghyuck. donghyuck with his loud and bright presence is acting like there’s a dark cloud over his head at every moment and its freaking renjun out.

the 3rd time donghyuck rejected their offer to hang out, renjun, jeno and jaemin decided that next time they were simply gonna force him. so that’s where they are now.

in the dream dorm, chenle and jisung being at chenle’s house per the 00 liners request. donghyuck sat down alone in the armchair, which was so stupidly out of character of him that renjun couldn’t help but frown at his choice of seat. he’d prefer donghyuck’s usual obnoxious clinginess over this distancing. it felt too sad. jaemin, the angel, didn’t let hyuck get away with it, he’d cuddled up right next to hyuck in the chair. donghyuck had seemed taken aback for a moment, and renjun felt his heart break, it only healed at the sight of his two friends cuddled up looking adorably comfy. 

renjun and jeno both sat on the couch. renjun wonders how tonight's gonna go. taeyong had encouraged them to talk with donghyuck and jeno had told renjun about how out of it donghyuck had been the other day. renjun regrets not confronting hyuck sooner. it seems he’s only a shell of what he used to be and the three of them have been really crappy friends.

the four of them chatted a bit before putting on a movie. they’d made sure to choose one of hyuck’s favourites. they also bought all of his favourite snacks. renjun noted that donghyuck was barely eating any of them, and throughout the movie all he had was a far-off look in his eyes.

renjun is a bit afraid of starting a serious conversation here. donghyuck has a long history of deflection, only coming to them through skinship and by helping others. renjun had noted many times how when donghyuck schedules were just a bit too hectic he’d start doting on everyone he could.

renjun looks at jaemin, who’s watching the movie intently from hyuck’s side. he whispers “jaemin” and jaemin turns to look at him, donghyuck was still completely zoned out, it’s honestly impressive. jaemin raises an eyebrow in question. renjun gestures at the boy sitting next to jaemin. he can’t help but find this whole interaction ridiculous, but jaemin gets the message. he pauses the movie on his phone and turns to donghyuck smiling softly at his friend. donghyuck looks taken aback but smiles softly at jaemin too, so renjun counts a win.

“hyuckie?”

donghyuck looks somewhat nervous now. renjun knows he has sensed what kind of conversation they’re gonna have.

“yeah?” donghyuck says softly, his voice small. it hurt to see their donghyuck so unsure and nervous around them.

“we’ve noticed you’ve been acting rather…” jaemin pauses, seemingly looking for the right word, “off.” 

it was almost as if donghyuck had been burned at those words, he pulled away from jaemin scrambling out of the chair and stood in front of the tv looking at the three of his friends.

he takes a deep breath before speaking. renjun can already feel what’s coming, there’s no way they’ll get straight answers right away. “your last intervention was better guys,” he started holding his hands up for show, putting on a very unconvincing smile, god renjun wants to strangle him, “i mean you had a banner ready and all. big downgrade!” donghyuck chuckles to himself, but as soon as he realises that his friends are just looking at him with blank faces he just says “well this has been fun. good choice of movie, 10/10… i’m gonna leave now.”

turns out jeno had already predicted that move. as soon as donghyuck made his way to the door jeno is up from the couch and grabbing donghyuck’s wrist with a pleading expression.

“hyuck-ah, please”

renjun knows jeno’s not holding on too tight, that he’s giving hyuck a chance to leave. he can also see the conflict written on hyuck’s face. “jeno-yah...”

renjun decides it’s his turn to speak up. “please talk to us.” donghyuck looks at him hesitantly, renjun takes his attention as a sign to continue, “we’re here for you and we love you. please tell us what’s bothering you.”

“everyone’s wasting their time worrying about me. i’m doing fine renjun.” donghyuck says still not making a move to remove his wrist from jeno’s hold. jeno takes the chance to link his and donghyuck’s fingers together and speaking up, “we know you aren’t hyuckie. we haven’t seen a real smile from you in months, you don’t sleep properly and you decline any attempt to hang out. we’re so worried hyuckie.” donghyuck looks close to tears. he seems to be thinking hard, renjun assumes he’s getting caught up in his mind. it’s a weird thing to witness. his best friend, his soulmate, so close to breaking. renjun feels so helpless. 

donghyuck looks at renjun, searching for something. renjun can’t figure out what. renjun tries to convey all his concern and love for his friend without breaking the silence. for a moment it looks like donghyuck is going to say something but he shakes his head and turns to jaemin. 

renjun has always found donghyuck and jaemin similar in many ways. they’re both bright, clingy and rather weird. in a few cases, it leads them to fight, but in most cases they understand each other better than anyone. so when donghyuck looks at jaemin with the same thoughtful look as he’d sent renjun, renjun knows that their silent communication will be more meaningful.

“come here hyuckie,” jaemin says, opening his arms.

and in the end that was all it took. donghyuck throws himself into jaemin’s arms, tears rolling down his cheeks already. he buries his face in the crook of jaemin’s neck, not looking up for a long time. renjun can see his figure shaking and hear his barely suppressed sobs.

he looks at jeno who looks back at renjun sending him a reassuring smile. all of this is a good sign right? donghyuck can’t pretend to be fine any longer. 

jaemin lifts donghyuck from the chair to the couch, gesturing for renjun and jeno to join them. soon enough the 4 of them are all cuddled up on the couch. jaemin is donghyuck’s main comforter. he’s holding him tight while he cries, caressing his hair and whispering something renjun can barely make out to be words of encouragement.

the 4 of them sit for a while. the only noise in the room being donghyuck’s crying. he can’t cry forever though. as much as renjun hates to put him in an uncomfortable situation, he knows that it needs to happen.

he reaches for donghyuck’s hand, “hyuck-ah.” donghyuck’s sobs slow down. “please, talk to us.”

donghyuck finally looks up from jaemin shoulder, untangling their bodies to get a better view of all three of them. they’re all looking intently at him but he’s looking at his hands. for a moment renjun thinks he’s going to stay quiet, but then, in the smallest voice he’s every heard from donghyuck he says, “i’m just so tired. all the time. and i can’t sleep properly anymore.” he sounds as tired as he claims to be.

“yeah?” jaemin encourages.

donghyuck looks up now, his face is tear-streaked. the exhaustion has never been more obvious. he’s addressing all of them but he’s just looking straight ahead, not wanting to face any of them. “i’m not happy with anything i do and i constantly feel like i’m not good enough.” with each word he sounds more frustrated. “i’m loud and obnoxious and clingy,” he practically hisses teach word out but he’s also still crying, “i don’t know why anyone puts up with me, it’s honestly impressive. I mean jeno you saw me in dance practice the other day, i was pitiful.”

they’ve finally gotten donghyuck to talk to them, but now renjun wants donghyuck to stop talking.

“hyuck how long have you been feeling like this?” renjun asks, stopping donghyuck before he can continue. it seems all previous fight donghyuck had in him disappears. he deflates and leans against jaemin.

“i dunno,” he mutters, “a couple of months? maybe since summer?” donghyuck looks at the three of them for their reaction. renjun, jeno and jaemin are all frowning, so before either of them can answer he shakes his head, “not like now. that’s just when things started feeling different i think.”

“we’re really sorry hyuck.” jeno says. he’s barely finished the sentence before hyuck says, “don’t be! it’s not your fault that i’m all wrong.”

jaemin frowns, “you’re not all wrong hyuck.”

donghyuck sighs and sits up again, turning to jaemin and pinching his cheek, “easy for you to say handsome guy.”

renjun is gonna strangle hyuck, he really is, but instead, he ends up enveloping him in a hug. “you idiot.” renjun says. he swears he can feel donghyuck flinch, so he lets the hug be short lived and cups donghyuck’s face in his hands. “no hyuck, you’re not an idiot. you’re just really stupid if you think you’re anything but the best person in the world.”

donghyuck looks at renjun, his expression matching the contemplating one from earlier. for a moment the two of them just stand there, jaemin and jeno dare not say a thing. donghyuck breaks the still scene they’ve created. he guides renjun’s hands off his face and smiles faintly. renjun can see that for the first time in forever the smile isn’t fake. it’s small, but it’s there. 

donghyuck sits up from the couch, standing so he, for the second time that night, can address the three of them. this time is different, he’s not trying to escape. “thank you. i have a lot to think about.” he starts picking up his stuff from the table.

  
“wait you’re leaving?” jaemin asks.

“i need some me time for now. but i really am thankful.” he smiles reassuringly at the three of them. while he’s putting on his jacket and shoes renjun, jeno and jaemin share a look. neither of them are sure if this is a good development. “i love and appreciate you guys! bye~” and before they know it, he’s out the door.

the three of them sit for a while. the movie still paused on the screen.

“should we call taeyong?” jeno asks.

“yes.” in fact, jaemin is already reaching for his phone.

renjun thinks that despite how the night turned out. they’ve made an improvement.


	2. chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> progress?

donghyuck leaves the building in a hurry. he’d known his friends were gonna confront him but he hadn't expected it to work for them. or he assumes they got what they wanted from him. donghyuck isn’t really sure where to go from here.

on one hand, he knows not to expect anything less than love and support from his friends. on the other hand, he feels like he’s failed at the one thing he’d been doing right, not bothering his friends about his irrelevant problems.

he’d tried to the best of his abilities to not cry in there, but they were all too nice. too loving. jaemin, who hadn’t even let him sit alone. jeno, who’d grabbed donghyuck before he could escape, but still giving him an out if that’s what hyuck had wanted. he had wanted that, but he couldn’t. he just couldn’t. lastly, there was renjun. they’d always had an excellent dynamic, donghyuck thinks, they’re soulmates in many ways. renjun had somehow known what to say. or maybe it was the fact that he was the one to say it. they’d all been so caring, what did he do to deserve friends like that?

all in all, it was a bit too emotionally draining. despite their whole conversation he still can’t find himself believing any of their words, not really. he knows they love him, of course they do, they went through so much trouble for him. but he doesn’t know why. maybe that’s a sad thought, but he’s come to realise that maybe he’s just a sad person now. (donghyuck might have been in denial for a while but he’s self-aware enough to know that renjun will smack him if he ever says that out loud.)

god, he’s tired. exhausted. emotionally drained. and all the hugs and touches from his best friends has left him craving more, which was a feeling he’d almost gotten rid of (read: suppressed and ignored). 

he’s so caught up in thinking about tonight’s events that he doesn’t realise he’s already made it to the dorm. with a sigh (he keeps sighing doest he?) he opens the door. to his surprise he’s greeted by taeyong, who’s instantly pulling him into a hug. “hyung.” he wheezes.

taeyong doesn’t let go, “jaemin called me.”

donghyuck tenses, trying not to let it show. he felt a bit betrayed that they’d told taeyong so soon, without asking him if it was ok.

“i’m so sorry we didn’t do anything sooner hyuck.”

“uh.” they’re still just standing in the doorway. donghyuck doesn’t really know what to say. “it’s okay hyung. there’s not much to do is there?”

taeyong pulls back to look at donghyuck, “there is. we just need to figure out what works for you.”

“i’m very tired hyung.” donghyuck admits. taeyong’s eyes widen and he nods hastily, “of course!” he closes the door behind donghyuck and drags them both into the apartment. “you should get ready for sleep. do you wanna sleep with me?”

donghyuck hangs his jacket on their coat rack, “that’s really not necessary hyung.”

his hyung makes a strangled noise that donghyuck can’t really identify (it’s honestly adorable), “nonsense! would it make you feel better?”

for a small moment, he considers lying, but at this point, he knows lying would make it worse for everyone. “i guess…”

taeyong smiles softly at him. he really likes his hyung, they couldn’t have asked for a better leader.

“sleepover then?”

donghyuck agrees and goes into his and johnny’s room to get ready for bed. he expects to be greeted by johnny, but the man is sleeping soundly in his bed. donghyuck’s lost complete track of time tonight so when he sees the time on his phone’s clock reading 1 am he’s taken aback. taeyong stayed awake for him until he got home. suddenly donghyuck’s feeling very emotional again.

he finishes getting ready for bed and makes his way to taeyong’s room. they both lie down in his bed. the space is a bit small but donghyuck has never been one to shy away from close contact so he simply wraps his arms around taeyong and mutters “g’night hyung.” 

he barely hears his hyung’s response before he’s drifting away.

-

doyoung had received a text from taeyong last night at around 1 am saying that donghyuck was sleeping with him tonight. he’d received the text but nothing could’ve prepared him for the pure fondness he felt seeing the two of them cuddled up in taeyong’s bed. he felt bad having to wake them up, they both deserved the rest. he’d try to be gentle.

he makes his way over to the bed, snapping a picture of his adorable friends before gently shaking taeyong’s shoulder.

his best friend stirs and opens one eye to see doyoung smiling softly at him. doyoung isn’t entirely sure what to do about the still very asleep donghyuck though.

doyoung points at donghyuck and whispers “the baby?”

taeyong smiles softly at that.

(he’s always found doyoung and donghyuck to be a funny pair. doyoung always being insistent that donghyuck is the most annoying person he knows but still always being the hyung to notice when donghyuck is sick or down.)

taeyong pulls himself away from donghyuck’s embrace, he looks very disappointed and sad at his own course of action. doyoung feels bad for ruining their moments of peace, they don’t get many of those.

“he has to go practice with 90’s love unit today,” taeyong whispers.

doyoung sighs, of course, it’s a given but he still wishes they didn’t have to wake up the boy just yet.

“i’ll make breakfast, you wake him up,” doyoung says and leaves the room.

he makes sure to prepare donghyuck’s favourite since he’s noticed the boy eating less lately. hopefully, he won’t decline one of his favourite foods. doyoung sets the table for the four of them and sits down waiting for the others to show up.

soon after, taeyong and a sleepy-looking donghyuck emerge from the room, they both sit in the chairs across from doyoung. at the sight of the food donghyuck half-grimaces, doyoung can’t quite figure out why. “hyuck-ah, what’s with the face?” doyoung asks carefully, he’s not entirely sure what happened last night, but if hyuck slept with taeyong then it must’ve been a step in the right direction.

the boy looks unsure for a moment before saying, “i’m not hungry?”

taeyong looks worriedly at the boy, “hyuck-ah you’re gonna be dancing all day.”

“don’t worry. i’m used to it.” donghyuck says absentmindedly, he picks up his fork and starts pushing his food around. doyoung isn’t sure how much he’ll allow them to pry this morning. but he’ll have to eat just some of it. doyoung tries to communicate his train of thought to taeyong, but if he knows taeyong right, his friend is already thinking the same thing.

before doyoung can even say more johnny comes out of his and donghyuck’s room. “haechannie! where were you all night?” he’s very chipper, doyoung thinks he must’ve read the room and decided to take over the situation.

donghyuck looks up at johnny with a faint smile, “i was in taeyong hyungs room. sorry.”

johnny takes the seat next to doyoung, “it’s no problem hyuckie,” he smiles. making conversation with donghyuck lately has been a challenge so doyoung thinks it’s over there, he should’ve known johnny wouldn’t give up so easily.

“you know ten will murder you if you show up to practice on an empty stomach right?”

donghyuck looks up at johnny, taking the bait johnny threw, “only if someone tells him.”

doyoung is very happy that johnny is as blunt as he is. taeyong and doyoung were going too slowly with their careful approach.

johnny smiles, “believe me hyuckie.  _ someone  _ will.”

donghyuck contemplates his choices for a moment before he loses all fight he had in him. so he starts eating. taeyong and johnny look satisfied but doyoung continues to observe donghyuck. he sees how the boy doesn’t eagerly eat his food, how he looks somewhat disgusted. that can’t be right. it’s his favourite.

“hyuck-ah?” he keeps his voice low, not wanting to ruin whatever decent mood they’ve created at the table.

donghyuck just shakes his head, he looks awfully sad. “i don’t have any appetite hyung.”

doyoung feels his heart break. no wonder donghyuck had seemingly lost weight. how many times had he gone to practice without eating?

despite having no appetite donghyuck keeps eating, very slowly. doyoung mentally thanks ten for being the indirect reason. he figures he might as well tell ten, so he reaches for his phone and texts him.

_ doyoung: johnny threatened donghyuck into eating using your name _

ten answers almost instantly.

_ ten: the kid has been going to practice without food?? _

_ doyoung: most likely _

_ ten: sfdfghjkl _

doyoung doesn’t let any reaction show to his texts. donghyuck is an observant person when he wants to be, and doyoung can imagine him being very on guard after all the confrontations he’s had to face lately.

donghyuck puts his fork down, about half of the plate is emptied, doyoung notes that he’s pushed it around to make it look emptier than it is. donghyuck doesn’t say anything he simply looks at the three of them with a questioning expression.

johnny looks at the plate and then at donghyuck, “bring some snacks to eat in your breaks and you’re good.” 

donghyuck nods and makes his way to his and johnny’s shared room. leaving johnny, taeyong and doyoung to talk. they didn’t talk about donghyuck though. he would definitely hear whatever they said.

after another 30 minutes, all of them have to leave for their own schedules. donghyuck was the first one to leave. he gave doyoung a goodbye hug and whispered “thanks for the food hyung,” in a truly grateful tone for someone who’d barely touched it.

doyoung was gonna have to ask taeyong what had happened last night. but for now, he has a feeling that things are going to be okay.

-

“hyungie!”

sungchan makes his way over where donghyuck is sitting on the couch in the practice room, nibbling on a snack bar while looking at his phone. mark called for a break just a moment ago and most of the team left to get lunch. it’s just donghyuck and sungchan in the room.

if you ask sungchan who his favourite hyung is, the answer is donghyuck. he’s funny and playful and all in all very cute. so when donghyuck did a complete behavioural 180 some months ago sungchan was concerned, but they hadn’t known each other well so sungchan didn’t find it in his place to do anything. plus, if no one had confronted him about it maybe it wasn’t that serious.

over time he’s picked up on some of their hyungs speaking in concerned whispers about donghyuck. but donghyuck doesn’t seem like the type who’d answer to confrontation from someone, not when he’s the mood-maker. so sungchan figures he’ll just have to act as normal as possible.

donghyuck puts down his phone and smiles weakly at sungchan. sungchan misses his big smiles a lot, but this is good too, for the first time in a while it actually looks real.

“yes, sungchan-ah.”

sungchan plops down next to donghyuck on the couch, smiling back at him.

“i’m cold.”

donghyuck scoffs, “we’ve been dancing for hours.”

“and now we’re not dancing anymore,” sungchan argues, hoping he isn’t pushing it too far.

“what do you want you tall gremlin.” 

sungchan hums, pretending to really think about it.

“ah hyung i just like you so much.”

he smiles as he watches the tips of donghyuck’s ears turn just a little red. despite his haechan persona he really is easily flustered under the right conditions. sungchan recently found out that being extremely blunt (about as blunt as donghyuck himself is) usually does the trick.

donghyuck pushes his shoulder half-heartedly, “you just can’t give me a break can you?”

sungchan notes that this is the first time in a while that he’s been so responsive, it kinda warms his heart.

“nope!” he decides, fuck it, and moves donghyuck so he’s lying with his head in sungchan’s lap.

for a small moment, donghyuck looks surprised at the action but he quickly regains his composure and glares playfully at sungchan. “you’re a menace.”

“but i’m your menace right?”

“no”

sungchan is about to answer something back but at that moment the rest of the members come back. ten is the first person to spot the two of them. he looks at them with a bright smile. he makes his way over, the rest of the members in tow.

sungchan was half expecting donghyuck to leave him, especially when mark sat down right next to them (donghyuck tended to cling to mark). but he stayed right there with his head in sungchan’s lap.

the seven of them sit and talk for the rest of the break. donghyuck remains quiet throughout most of it. he doesn’t appear to be entirely present, but he has this faint smile on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just luv 2chan ok  
> thanks for reading<3

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed im gonna write more


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